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The Power of Music: Gaining Strength from the Outside In

by Maria Bottiglieri

This is the final post reflecting on my journey with breast cancer. Writing about it has been an odyssey of growth and healing. I resumed music therapy on July 6th, 2011, while struggling with the daunting side effects of chemotherapy. Experiencing chemo was the toughest part of the circle of treatment; my doctor didn’t get the whole package. Breast cancer wasn’t my only problem– sure, it was what he was treating me for, but I had other issues too and at times I felt ignored.

 

During this time of uncertainty, music therapy became the outlet for my frustration. Sessions with my therapist, Dena, allowed me to vent through journaling and vocal improvisation. Music was something for me to hang my hat on, my stability when I couldn’t rely on my body or mind. Dena said, “I feel that in your musical choices you moved from a place of nurturing to a place of affirmation.” There was a time when I needed external strength/support and my songs reflected that. Over time, as a I got stronger, my musical focus changed to songs that were positive and self-affirming. I was beginning to rely on strength within me rather than from some external source.

 

Rewriting lyrics is a way for me to put my journey into song. I really love the music from Les Miserables, and “I Dreamed a Dream” is very powerful. Here are my rewritten lyrics:

I dreamed a dream in time gone by

When hope was high and life worth living

I dreamed that love would never die

I dreamed that God would be forgiving

 

Then I was young and unafraid

And all my dreams were never realized

There was an anger to be shed; no songs to sing,

Such time was wasted

 

And the tigers came at night

With their voices soft as thunder

As they tore my hope apart

As they turned my dreams to shame

 

But now I’m feeling more like me

Open to dream with endless wonder

My childhood is put aside

And all the remnants put asunder

 

I have a second chance at life

And I can live more in the moment

No need to hide behind a mask

Though there are storms we rise above them

 

Now I can dream my life will be 

So different from the past that hurt me

Now I can live life endlessly – with many possibilities

 

I would like to conclude by sharing some wisdom with all of you:

Take life as it comes; our experiences, both good and bad, are just a matter of course. Ultimately, it’s your own strength that you draw from. Life is one big question none of us have all the answers to; you’ll be surprised what you learn as you go through it gaining strength from the outside in. My journey with breast cancer has taken me from courage to resilience and I’m still standing!

One Response to “The Power of Music: Gaining Strength from the Outside In”

1. Maria Dewan says:

   December 29, 2011 at 6:43 pm

   Maria,

   I’ve enjoyed reading this blog. I particularly like the way you ended your last posting.

   You should really consider starting your own blog since this is your last posting on the Kardon site. You could blog about your experience with cancer, cp, or just life in general.

   Reply